It is never easy to make the decision to begin the divorce process. Once you have made clear your intentions, what follows is going to be nothing short of an upheaval. Even if there is no acrimony, you are still setting yourself up for a new life.
If there are children involved, then there will be additional complexities to work out. The initial focus is on preparing the agreement and signing the papers. What happens next is your opportunity to truly process your divorce. This is when the healing can start.
The following is what you need to keep in mind:
You, Will, Need to Untangle
So much is tied up in a marriage that it can feel overwhelming that you will need to untangle everything that had been woven together. You will get to redefine on your own terms who you want to be. As scary as it may sound it will be very invigorating.
It Will Require Time and Patience
Going through a divorce is very similar to grieving and there is not a set timetable for how long it will take to get over the pain. Each day will seem as if you are feeling better but you will also have down days where you just want to shut down and not talk to anyone. This is where patience is required. Give yourself a break while going through the healing process and know that you will feel better.
Take the Time to Reflect
After divorce, the process of healing is all about reflection. There will be many things for you to process. Take each one head-on and attempt to find out what they mean moving forward. This all comes back to your process of rebuilding your sense of self-worth.
It may help to sort out some of these problems with a professional therapist. A good listener can be very valuable. Remember, this is not about assigning blame. It is all about reframing your perspective and life. That is the biggest post-divorce goal.
You, Will, Need to Realign
Anyone that is in a relationship develops a new identity for themselves. It may be a big change from who they were in the past or small changes as you blend a new life. This results in changes to your own concept of yourself. You will need to realign that concept after going through a divorce. While you will lose a part of yourself, which was the relationship, what you gain can be so much more important, which is who you actually are as an individual.
Time Will Evolve Your Relationship with Your Ex
You will still have a relationship with your ex-spouse even once you have signed the papers and are living apart. This will be especially true when there are children involved. That will mean identifying a way to co-parent by putting the children’s needs first over your own issues.
Without children, you will still have a relationship with your ex but it will evolve. There may be some hurt initially when they begin dating again but you will also have the opportunity to find love again. Start to look forward to new opportunities rather than focusing on what your ex is getting up to.
